Surrender the need to know how it will all go
Journal Entry 27 August 2018
I’ll be frank. I’m scared shitless. I’m about to take a leap of faith. To choose the unknown over the predictable and adventure over comfort. Kinda like when Pocahontas is at that fork in the river and chooses to take the route filled with rapids over more smooth canoeing.
Some may call it bravery others stupidity, but there seems to be no other way. Maybe I am friggen crazy… I’m leaving a steady paycheck, sweet werk perks, the squad I just wiggled my way into, a cosy bed and much much more all to explore new corners of the world I essentially know nothing about. Leaping into uncertainty from a platform of predictability. All I can do is trust it’s part of my destiny and I will be provided with what whatever I need. I hope.
I’m not leaving forever but I’m not sure when I’ll be back either. It’s the end of an era, a death of sorts of what has been my life the past 2ish years. It’s all part of the cycle I guess, no endings no beginnings right?
I keep getting the message “surrender the need to know how it will all go.” I feel much of my angst and misery comes from trying to predict how the course of my life will play out. A ridiculous practice given that very little of my so-called “predictions” have ever come to fruition. I never could have dreamed of the life I have lived thus far and that’sprobably why I always find myself saying, “if you had told me a year ago I would be living here/doing this/ dating him etc. I would think you were nuts”.
If we always knew what was to come that’d take out all the fun. It’d be like knowing what you’re getting for Christmas. But instead of anticipation and excitement about what I might get, I drown myself in worry and fear until I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Then sooner or later I realise it was all a big waste of time because everything always turns out fine and I find myself pleasantly surprised.
Oh well, here goes nothing! #jumpinginthedeepend #norisknoreward